Defence Member and Family Support

Your wellbeing

In addition to maintaining and looking after your physical health, it is important to continue to look after your and your family’s mental wellbeing. The Defence community is able to respond to different situations through our strengths by adapting to change, working together, and looking out for each other.

Whether you are isolated, continuing to monitor the situation or remaining vigilant with your health, there are some key things to remember to keep balance with your mental wellbeing:

• Know the facts: In order to reduce any unnecessary panic or fear, it is important to access information from reliable sources. The Australian Department of Health has information about COVID-19 and how to respond appropriately.
• Manage your content intake: Try to balance the need to be informed, with taking a break from media coverage, especially if it is adversely affecting you or your family. If you find yourself constantly checking media coverage, it can be helpful to limit your content intake to a set period of time and at a scheduled time of day, such as for 30 minutes after dinner.
• Try to maintain routines: For your wellbeing it is essential to keep doing the basics and day-to-day activities, such as getting enough sleep, eating well, staying hydrated and doing the things you enjoy. If you are in self-isolation, it is just as important to re-establish routines where possible, as this can help you feel more in control of the situation.
• Keep socially connected: Feeling connected to others is important for your wellbeing and can help you effectively cope with challenges. Try to keep in regular contact with family and friends, even with limited physical contact, by talking over the phone, email, or by using social media and video messaging. Staying connected will help in managing feelings of social isolation and assist in maintaining an important part of your life.
• Make a plan: There are many things about coronavirus that we are unable to control, but planning can help you do your best to remain practical. Your plan can include things like keeping up-to-date with official advice, understanding where to get support, learning about hygiene guidelines and making a list of things you need to do or follow up.
• Reach out: Not knowing how a situation will unfold can cause a range feelings at different times. However if you feel that you are struggling or are unable to perform basic activities of daily life, reach out for support in coping, such as by calling the 24/7 Defence Member and Family Helpline on 1800 624 608.

More information

A range of national mental health helplines are available to you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. None of these helplines should be used as a substitute for Triple-Zero (000) emergency services.

For details see our Mental health and wellbeing page.

Reunion leave

From March 2020, Defence Force will temporarily cease ‘relief out of country leave’ (or ROCL) provisions for ADF members.

Careful consideration was given, weighing up the importance of families being able to spend time together, with the need to protect the health and wellbeing of the Defence and wider community, and the increasing travel restrictions.

Understandably, affected Defence families may feel upset or frustrated by this and have unanswered questions. Depending on your individual circumstances, a range of practical and emotional support services are available for Defence families.

This includes assistance and strategies to effectively manage isolation, problem solving to address issues that may arise, and tips to help you and your family maintain your mental wellbeing and resilience during this time of uncertainty.

Members have been notified through a message from the Chief of the Defence Force and will be advised when this restriction is lifted, in line with the whole-of-Government response to COVID-19.

The only exception to the current reunion leave restrictions that may be considered, is under the discretion of the member’s Chain of Command, in exceptional circumstances.

Self-isolation

As COVID-19 continues to unfold, Australians are increasingly being asked to take precautionary measures to protect themselves and the broader community. As a result, a number of ADF members and families who have recently returned from overseas will be required to self-isolate for 14 days.

Self-isolation is crucial to help stop the spread of the virus, but it can also be challenging. It means letting go of our normal routines and reducing contact with people we care about. It is completely normal for people to have a range of reactions and feelings in relation to self-isolation, such as worry, boredom, frustration, stress, or low mood.

As you would expect, self-isolation is restrictive and you may need to work out how you and your family will be able to access essential goods and services, such as food, medication or learning resources. If you or someone you know has to self-isolate, there are a number of things you can do to look after your overall wellbeing:

• Make a plan - Making a plan can help you feel calmer and more in control of the situation. It’s a good time to involve the rest of the family so they understand and feel more in control of what’s happening too.

• Lean on social networks – If possible, arrange for family or friends to pick up and drop off needed items at your door or use online shopping (major supermarkets are slowly implementing priority online access for vulnerable customers, such as those in mandatory isolation).

• Use home delivery options – Use meal prep kits and services to order pre-made meals or order take-away and convenience food when needed. A lot of local small businesses, such as restaurants, are becoming innovative in how they deliver services to the community.

• Get support – Several community groups are providing services to help people during this difficult time. Local Defence community groups, closed social media groups and established groups such as Rotary and other charities are there to support those in need.

More information

The Department of Health has a number of fact sheets with practical guidance on how to self-isolate and what is expected of you and others living in the shared home.

You can also see our detailed fact sheet on How to cope during self-isolation for more information on coping strategies or call the all-hours Defence Member and Family Helpline for advice and connection to support in your area.

Supporting kids

During this uncertain time, it’s natural to want to protect your kids from what is happening. They’re probably already seeing and hearing a lot about COVID-19 and aspects of their usual daily routine may have already been affected. Be aware that children look to their parents and caregivers for reassurance and avoiding the topic may inadvertently cause them to feel more concerned or unsettled.

You can help your kids understand and cope with what is going on by providing extra comfort, clear facts and support during this difficult and unsettling period:

• Talk to your child in an age-appropriate way about what is happening and check their understanding of the situation to make sure that they don’t have any mistaken ideas or facts. Stick to simple and clear information for younger children, whereas older children or teenagers can be provided with a more detailed explanation.

• Monitor and limit media coverage as children may also feel overwhelmed or distressed if continually watching or hearing news about the COVID-19 pandemic.

• Listen to your child’s concerns or fears and validate their feelings. It’s also helpful to balance fears with hope, as many people have recovered from the virus and there are many people, such as doctors and scientists, who are working really hard to find a vaccine/ medicine to help make people better.

• Provide clear guidance about how your child can better protect themselves and others from getting sick, such as maintaining good hygiene like washing our hands and coughing into our elbow. For younger children you can help them better understand and make it fun by singing the ‘washing your hands’ song; there’s even a new Baby Shark song that teaches kids how to wash their hands correctly on YouTube.

• Re-establish routines and maintain as much normalcy as possible in daily routines. Children take comfort in routines and will feel more secure if bedtimes, mealtimes and other important rituals remain unchanged. For aspects that you’re unable to control, work together as a family recreate a new routine, such as incorporating opportunities for learning, play, exercise and relaxation. If you’re also trying to juggle working from home, write down or create a visual routine and place it in a spot where everyone can see and be on the same page.

Support options

It’s important to monitor how your child is reacting to the constantly evolving situation and to be aware that children can also be adversely affected, but may express their emotions differently. Sometimes children can show stress by behaving differently like clinging, withdrawing or having more tantrums.

At any stage, if you begin to feel overwhelmed or unsure about your, or your kids’, ability to cope the Defence Member and Family Helpline is available 24/7 to provide support on 1800 624 608.

More information

There are a number of additional resources available online, including:

• Kids Helpline provides private and confidential 24/7 phone and online counselling service for young people – 1800 55 1800

• Headspace provides mental health support for young people aged 12–25 years old – 1800 650 890

• Raising Children Network provides a range of parenting resources, such as videos, articles specifically on the topic of ‘Coronavirus and families’ and apps by Australian experts

• Phoenix Australia has a number of mental health resources in relation to COVID-19, such as, Isolation activities for children and adolescents and Taking care of yourself and your family

Healthy relationships

COVID-19 is drastically changing the way we live our everyday lives. Our relationships may suddenly be under new kinds of pressure due to financial strain, being confined to home, working remotely, home-schooling children, or having less physical contact with family, friends or colleagues.

Our relationships will be a crucial aspect in helping us get through this difficult time, but may need extra time and attention to remain healthy.

Broadly, a healthy relationship is when two people mutually respect, support, and value each other. An unhealthy relationship is where one person hurts another or makes them feel threatened or unsafe.

Tips for helping your relationships to remain healthy

Communicate respectfully: During a stressful experience, tensions can be raised and arguments may become more frequent or intensified. It is important when resolving issues to treat each other as equals and to communicate respectfully, such as by taking turns to talk, listening even when angry, and not blaming or putting down the other person.

You should only settle disagreements when you are feeling calm and in control. If you find yourself becoming angry, annoyed or upset you could try counting to ten and taking some deep breaths or you may even need to take a small break from each other before trying to resolve the argument.

Regardless of the circumstances, it is never okay for someone to be violent during an argument or to make someone else feel fearful or scared. Healthy relationships are where each person should be able to express themselves respectfully without fear of consequences.

Quality time together and apart: Relationships often thrive with a mixture of quality time spent together and time alone. Our relationships can be strengthened by making most of the opportunity to spend time together without the usual distractions of a busy pace of life. This could mean cooking a new recipe, completing a puzzle, or learning a new language together. It is also helpful to have daily conversations about topics that aren’t about COVID-19, such as checking in with each other about how we are feeling and managing.

In order to ensure that your relationship with others you have to self-isolate with doesn’t become strained, find ways to spend time alone. For example, you could spread out to different areas of the house, read a book or go for walk in your local neighbourhood.

Connecting with others: It is essential to also prioritise maintaining social connections and relationships with others outside of our intimate relationships, such as with family, friends or neighbours. You could do this by calling, using video chat or writing emails. Where necessary, you could also debrief and gain perspective from a trusted friend about any difficulties you may have been experiencing lately.

Shared decision-making: It is likely that most of the usual household routines have been disrupted and may need a refresh to suit the current circumstances. It’s a good idea to have a discussion and, where possible, to equally divide the household responsibilities (unless you both decide and agree otherwise), such as deciding how you can both work from and home and look after the children’s school work and so forth.

The use of ‘I’ statements can help to diffuse a conflict and is helpful way to express how they are feeling without judgement of the other person, such as ‘I have been feeling overwhelmed with the household cleaning. Would you please help me with some of the tasks’.

More information

All relationships can experience complicated and challenging periods, especially during the current unprecedented times. If you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed or need someone to talk to there are a range of services and resources available that can provide support during these times.

Defence Member and Family Helpline: The Defence Member and Family Helpline is part of the Defence Member and Family Support, and is staffed by human services professionals including social workers and psychologists. They are available 24 hours a day to provide advice, information and support, and can also refer you to other support agencies.

1800 624 608 or memberandfamilyhelpline@defence.gov.au

1800RESPECT: A professional telephone and online crisis and trauma counselling service for anyone impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. Confidential support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Contact can be anonymous.

1800 737 732 or www.1800respect.org.au/

Open Arms: Veterans and Family Counselling: Open Arms offers individual, couples and family counselling, as well as group programs to help current and ex-serving ADF personnel and their families.

1800 011 046 or www.openarms.gov.au/

Relationships Australia: Relationships Australia offers counselling, family dispute resolution, mediation, and a range of family and community support and education programs.

1300 364 277 or www.relationships.org.au

Family Relationships Online: Family Relationships Online provides all families with access to information about family relationship issues, ranging from building better relationships to dispute resolution. The Family Relationships Online website provides a range of information, resources and advice for families.

www.familyrelationships.gov.au